Laid back

That moment where you realize, maybe I'm just a little TOO laid back as a parent... 

Colin's been having this little cough for the last couple of months (yeah, you read that right... I said months.. not days, not weeks, but MONTHS).. a runny nose... some sneezing.  It all happened right around the time that allergies seemed to run rampant through our house, so I didn't think much of it.  It's starting to get a little worse, so I called the doctor - trying to be all relaxed and cool... and they want me to bring him in to check on it.  Their decision was based on him having it for a while... How silly do I feel that I didn't go in before?  That I didn't remember to ask the doctor about it at his 18 month check up 2 weeks ago.... 

Oh well, I guess you live and you learn.  Hopefully it's nothing that makes me feel worse for not taking him in before, just the run of the mill allergies (do toddlers have the ability to have allergies yet?) or a little cold that is too persistent.  

Oops!

That wasn't in the book

So, I guess it's a little misleading as I didn't so much "read" a book about babies or parenting, or anything really.  But there are so many things that I never knew, wasn't prepared for, kind of wish I had known.  I'm sure I'm just scratching the surface since we are only just shy of 18 months in, and so we are still learning.  Here's what we've learned so far:

• You will be peed on, vomited on, and pooped on.. sometimes all within a few hours of each other, or sometimes all at once
• You will live with a constant layer of crushed crackers on your floor - no matter how often you vacuum
• You will take him exactly where he points and wants to go - and he will still be unhappy when you get there
• There will be unidentifiable stains on your couch - that you don't know how they got there or when
• You will rearrange your living room to make it a better play space, even if it makes it a worse adult space
• Kids are seriously attracted to everything that they aren't supposed to touch - how do they even KNOW that?
• You will co sleep at some point in your child's life (or maybe that's just me)
• Sleeping through the night really only means 5 hrs in a row - and you'll still wish you could get 5 hrs
• You will feel like you are the only one with a crazy kid - and that everyone else must have perfect angels... or then begin to feel like everyone else must be lying (and begin secretly hoping they are)
• It is so incredibly overwhelming, frustrating, and exhausting... but then it turns hilarious, heartwarming, and perfect with the snap of a finger
• You will wonder how on earth he managed to learn "Elmo, Ernie, Burt" and manage to say them on repeat for hours when you have never even watched a show
• You will worry about every milestone (is he going to hit it?  did he miss it?  is everything okay?)
• There will be a moment in time that you freak out and research autism and compare everything your kid does to see if he has symptoms
• You will think you had kids way too early, but know that if you had waited you wouldn't have ended up with the wonderful kid you have now - and you are grateful
• You will be excited to wean - but force feed your child to get a few extra minutes of precious sleep in the morning

Anything I've forgotten?  I know there are plenty in my life - but I've been compiling this list for a while and this is as far as I've gotten...

What a crazy thing parenting is - if I had known everything I don't know that I would have chosen so willingly to become a mom - so I guess that's why everyone keeps it a secret.  In the end, the craziness is outweighed completely by the rewards when he smiles, when he sees you and just wants to be in your arms at the end of the day, and how he wakes up in the morning (even if you hate how early it is) talking and saying "mama... dada...mama...dada" until you come in to get him.

A year in review - Part 2

I looked at my work computer and realized I had a bunch of pictures there... but I still don't have the 12 month ones.  I know they exist, and I know they are somewhere, but I just don't know where!  

So until I locate those, I leave you with the 5 month-11 month video... I can't believe how little he used to be.. and how immobile.  But he's growing fast and we are LOVING it.  

I have too many posts in my head to count - daycare, things no one ever told me about having kids, how genius my kid is (obviously - have you seen that head?  It MUST have a huge brain in there). Ok, that last one is probably just me being a bragging parent.  Ha.  But he's super fun and we are loving him.  He will be 18 months.... 1 1/2 years old.... in 2 days.  I'm not exactly ready, but I'm excited.  He's pretty awesome.

I found his 12 month photo shoot... I know you were all worried... I feel like I've finally (sort of) caught up.

Hope you enjoy it at least half as much as I do watching these videos... I love this kid.  It took me a while to fall completely in love with him, but man, I did fall hard.  :)

It's been 5 months.. It's about time

I'm finally getting around to posting at least a LITTLE something for Colin's first birthday... a little bit of a year in review.  Unfortunately our pictures are spread across multiple computers/devices/clouds, and so I haven't been able to put everything together as well as I would have liked.  This means there will be parts.  So this is Part 1.

It's so crazy what a year can bring.  We were so excited leading up to Colin being born and so excited to meet him.  He was so little and so perfect.  Looking back at the pictures I can't believe how squishy and small he was, so many emotions from a few hundred pictures.  We were so nervous coming home and doing it all on our own.  We were unsure about bassinets and where he would sleep.  Like the nervous parents we were, we called UppaBaby first thing to see if he could actually sleep in his bassinet from our stroller... in the 24 hrs it took them to get back to me (honestly, INSANE customer service - they called me on a SATURDAY!) we were so paranoid we blew up the air mattress and slept on the floor of his room because we knew he was safe in his crib.  A year later we sometimes don't even turn on the monitor and just trust that we'll hear him if something really goes wrong.  

He has tried our patience, driven us crazy, but been so amazing all at once.  I didn't realize I could go through so many emotions in one day, in one year.  Every day we love him more and more.  He is so much fun and we have loved every milestone he has hit, worried every time that he wasn't hitting them fast enough, and been relieved when he finally reaches them.  He's finally walking, he talks up a storm, and just ingests everything so quickly.  It's unbelievable how much our lives have changed, and we are so grateful we had so many years together to weather the storm that is raising a strong-willed, previously colicky, loud, biting little boy.  

I have to keep reminding myself that eventually he'll eat, eventually he'll sleep (he's down to only 1-2 wake-ups per night!!!), and eventually he won't be our little baby... so until then I will appreciate what we have, appreciate where we are, and look forward to where we are going.

Practicing Patience vs. Having Patience

I would like to stop practicing patience, and really just start to have patience.  Does that ever happen?  I know it's never been my strong suit, but ever since Colin started struggling to be put down for bed (which was never a problem before) and waking up multiple times a night (to scream and be awake - not to eat- sometimes for hours on end with no sleep in sight), I go out of my mind.  I miss the days of him waking, me nursing, him falling back asleep.  I don't have very many techniques outside of my boobs to soothe a baby... is that bad?  I mean, he's 13 months old and when my "tried and true" doesn't work --- I'm at a loss and then I start to lose any semblance of patience I once had.  It makes me so incredibly grateful for John because he has the patience of a god, or at least a demi-god.  Of course it's not fair to him for me to give up and turn the cranky/screaming/unhappy/not-sleeping baby over to him every night after "I just can't do it anymore".  So I'm trying to figure out this patience thing.... taking deep breaths... realizing this won't last forever (but 3am feels like forever).... praying this "phase" will end and he'll start sleeping again.  So far I'm at a loss.

I think what bothers me most is the person I become - a total B - to Colin and to John.  I get so frustrated and find myself telling a 13 month old "stop" (as though that's the magic word)... or sometimes, you know, saying the F word to a toddler.  I'm sure he totally gets it, right?  I hate the day-after guilt where I know that in the moment it was so overwhelming and felt like it was never going to end and there wasn't anything I could do.... so I wasn't soothing, I wasn't holding him softly and whispering "I love yous" into his ear and "ssshhhh" to calm him down.  Instead I'm manhandling his squirmy little body that doesn't want to be held in any position, unceremoniously laying him down on his bed that certainly wouldn't entice me to sleep either, or leaving him to just cry in his crib.  Or the moments where there isn't anything to do so we turn on Pitch Perfect or sit him down to just let him play at 3 in the morning.  

I need to figure out how to remember this moment right now - where I am not as tired as I thought I would be, the 4 hours in the middle of the night that he was awake haven't completely taken over my day and I'm still functioning, and the cuteness that was this morning when he finally DID sleep and it was so hard to wake him and he cuddled against John's shoulder as I got everything ready to get him out the door.  Those are the things that I need to try and remind myself when he's screaming and refusing to lay down to go to sleep... it's a phase... he's teething, he might be having dreams, he just wants us to be close.  Those aren't a reason to be angry, those are reasons to finally start learning patience and using it.  

I'm wanting to do our year wrap-up, but I thought that 1) I should be in a better place (one where he's sleeping, perhaps) so that I can see all the good things instead of being crabby myself and 2) we didn't take his 12 month picture until the day before he turned 13 months... so it's been a bit delayed.  

Until then, here are some random photos of Colin from the last few weeks.

Finally sleeping

Monday daydreams

My Monday is making me wish that I didn't have to work 5 days a week, and that I could spend more time at home with Colin.... 

Is that what everyone wishes?  Especially with the weather getting nicer, the weekends are really just not cutting it anymore.  It's incredibly frustrating.  I like having a career, and working is a nice change of pace, but I certainly do wish that there was more time to be spent with the little man - and not just during his witching hours in the evening.

I mean, who wouldn't want to spend more time doing this during the week?

Throwback Thursday

It's Thursday, so it seems like an appropriate time to catch up on the last couple of months since I have been seriously delinquent in my updates.  So, here we go.  We are going to go on a fast track to catch up on 10 months and 11 months.... and then ultimately our year wrap up (under separate post).  Who has a 12 month old?  I mean seriously?  He's a "toddler" by definition I guess now, but honestly, he's still such a baby (I mean that in the most non-derogatory way possible).

And a quick flashback into your very first Christmas!!!  We flew to Kansas City and you handled like a champ.  We were expecting you to kick and scream pretty much the entire way and you surprised us by pretty much sleeping the entirety of the flight.  Thank goodness.... I wasn't prepared to apologize to the other passengers for the entire trip!  

That's just a little snippet of our Christmas celebration in Kansas City

So what happened at 10 months you might ask?  Oh - let me fill you in.

Colin started crawling.  As in really crawling - not his little sit and crab-crawl number.  He was a little slow at first, but he definitely caught on.  He went to his first Blackhawks hockey game, watched is first Super Bowl. And sadly, thinking back (and using my phone as a cheat) I don't much remember 10 months.  I wish I had been better at keeping track, but time just moves so quickly.  I managed to sneak 10 month pictures in right before his 11 month day ---- I mean, squeak it in.  It was the night before.  Oops!

I'm glad we took the pictures - but Colin was pretty unhappy

Update on 11 months... we celebrated John's 31st birthday (with a spontaneous road trip to Michigan).  We endured more snow, upon more snow, upon more snow.... and incredible cold.  We balanced shoes on Colin's head, took Colin's first trip to Iowa (wooohooo... Michigan and Iowa in one month?  Every child's dream), and Colin started rolling over in his sleep and standing up in his crib in the middle of the night.  So we have that going for us.... at least he's cute when you walk in at 3am to him standing there yelling for someone to come and help him.  Now if he could only figure out how to lay back down to go back to sleep.

I'll have to add more later, I have a million things I want to say about our little man turning the O.N.E. and what we have been up to.  But that will have to wait until another night.  

Happy Thursday!

This pretty much sums it up

This was posted by a couple of people I know on my facebook feed today - and it really resonated with me.  Colin is still not an "easy" baby... he still screams for no reason, he's fussy, and an early riser (okay, I guess that's not actually something to make him difficult, just a sad turn of events for the last risers we are).  He still wakes up multiple times in a night, and there are times where he is inconsolable.  There were times where I would sit and cry because there was no way to make him stop crying, although I don't think I was ever in my underwear.  

I remember making it to a nursing moms group during my maternity leave, and Colin freaked out and I was embarrassed and felt like I was doing something wrong and I couldn't understand why he was always crying and I panicked.  That was when a lovely woman brought out the exercise ball and had me sit on it and within minutes he was out.  So began my journey of strengthening my core while calming my baby.  

The ball has long since lost its effectiveness, but I remember how grateful I was for trick.  I remember being terrified to leave the house in case he had a melt down, and being worried about finding a place in a corner where I would be able to nurse him without any prying eyes or judgement.  

Colin may not be easy, but he's easier - and at almost a year in, it's amazing how far we've come.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/the-day-someone-threw-me-a-rope_b_4756681.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

Scissor kick crawl

It's all the rage.

He may not be moving very quickly, but he is on the move.  Cords, electronics, and fireplaces beware!

Julia sent us this video a few weeks ago.. Silly boy

(This was taken a few weeks ago, so he's moving a little quicker now... but not by that much)

Monday

It's one of those underwear inside out kind of days. #facepalm #enjoythelaugh. (Apologies for carrying over hashtags to the blog but it seems appropriate).

Hope you are all having a better Monday than I did.

In = Out

9 whole months!  And by the time we actually took pictures (think the day before he was 10-months....oops!) he was definitely longer out than he was in.  

I can't believe he's already 9 months.  He's getting more and more fun everyday and as our friend so kindly put it when we were over at his new house "wow, he's vocal".  Yes, we have the LOUD baby.  Sorry about that... I didn't realize that not all babies yelled (not screaming/crying/tantrums - literally just yelling to hear his own voice 90% of the time).  We are so lucky.

What's new in the Colin universe?  He is going on 8 teeth.  We seem to turn around and he's getting more, just as we think the teething phase is passing.  He reeeeaaachs for things.  He doesn't crawl.  He just leans forward as far as he can, puts his hands down, scoots his legs a little bit closer (while they are almost in Indian Style in front of him) and gets what he wants and proceeds to sit back down.  He has no interest in a full on crawling.  It's driving me bonkers.  I just wish he would do it already, especially since we have the doctor's appointment follow up tomorrow so it would be exciting to report back that he's crawling, and doing all the things he wants him to be doing.  You put him on his belly though, and it's like a collar on a cat - he feels he has been completely immobilized and that his limbs no longer work.  We are still practicing and working on it.

He's really into John right now too, which is fun to see and definitely fun for John.  I thought I might miss being his go-to, but it's actually kind of nice and gives my arms a bit of a break.  And I'm sure that he'll keep going back and forth, so I'm okay with the shift ---- for a while.  

Foods are still good.  We are incredibly lazy so getting food for him and having him try things is NOT our forte.  We are such late risers in the morning that it's hard to wake up in time to get him to eat before we leave for work - and we eat after he goes to bed since we only get about 1 hr before he's tired and we have to start reading stories and putting on pajamas.  So that's something we are going to work on so that he actually gets some food in the diet and not just milk.  But honestly, for 6 months he was solely reliant on milk, it's TOUGH to change our thinking to incorporate other food.  It's so much easier to not think about it.  

I guess that's about it.  I feel like I should write more about other things too -- but right now, at least for his first year of life, I think he's probably the most exciting thing I have going on.

Parenting 101..

Probably says somewhere "do not leave your child in pee clothes"... but that class doesn't cover the instance where at 4am you realize your kid has peed through his pj's and you realize this once you lay him back down and he's already rolled over and fallen back asleep.  

So when faced with, (1) wake him back up to change his clothes, or (2) allow him to stay sleeping for the next 2 hours...... I chose the latter.

Parenting 101.. Fail.

Just thought we all needed a pick-me-up for a Monday morning.  

They are 2 peas in a pod in the morning.  Happy 10 months!!